Reaching 100 blog posts on DecideToCommit.com is more than an achievement in consistency. It is a celebration of growth, discovery, collaboration, and the shared belief that research should not remain confined to academic journals. Nearly a decade ago, this project began with a simple intention.…
Many people grow up believing they need to find “the one.” A perfect soulmate who appears at exactly the right time and makes love effortless. Disney fairy tales and the curated glow of social media can make that ideal feel normal, as if healthy relationships…
As a research team we have been hearing a lot about the phrase “sneaky links” lately. It’s everywhere, in TikTok captions, group chats, and whispered conversations that start with “don’t judge me, but…” And while it might sound like just another piece of dating slang,…
Sometimes people don’t fall in love with who their partner is, but with who they imagine their partner might one day become. Someone who only ticks a few of their boxes, but hopefully, with time and experience, can tick all of their boxes. An idea…
In the beginning, it feels like magic. Starting a new relationship often brings a rush of energy that feels almost euphoric. There are endless smiles, late‑night conversations that make sleep feel optional, and moments where time seems to pause. Your heart does not only flutter…
All couples fight. Even though it can be painful, conflict is a natural occurrence. Life throws plenty of challenges at couples. Stress, anger, and disagreement are inevitable. You may know the hit 80’s anthem, Love is a Battlefield, where Pat Benatar belts, “We are young,…
When we commit our love to one another, we simultaneously place our trust in the ability of others to be considerate of our emotions. In doing so, we give power to those we care about opening ourselves to be more vulnerable than ever before. In…
With over 20 million copies sold, Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages has become a cultural phenomenon since its release in 1992. Translated into 50 languages and featured on bestseller lists like The New York Times for hundreds of weeks, its influence now stretches far beyond the bookshelf. From…
What ever happened to dating? This is a question I have been asking as a researcher, clinician, and educator for the past decade. In my most recent blog post about just talking, I discussed a significant change in the way emerging adults (18 to 29-year-olds)…
Emerging adulthood is a time of life characterized by decision-making in romantic relationships. Most emerging adults (18 to 29-year-olds) utilize this time for romantic and sexual exploration with ambitions and expectations for marriage (see Millennial Marriage or The Marriage Paradox). Scholars such as Drs. Scott Stanley and Galena Rhoades have argued that…
Couples often focus on floral arrangements, rings, and honeymoon plans while preparing for marriage. However, conflict management, finances, and future goals are equally crucial topics discussed in premarital counseling and relationship education. Recent data shows a higher marriage rate than pre-pandemic in the United States…
Is pornography use harmful to relationships? An ever growing body of research indicates that pornography poses a substantial threat to individuals, couples, families, and society. Many studies conclude that a major impact of pornography is that it causes individuals to turn away from connection in…
There are times when one partner in a relationship wants to leave, but is simply afraid of hurting their partner’s feelings, or scared of what life may be like outside of a now-comfortable relationship. Maybe this is you, or a close friend, but whoever it…
The research literature is becoming increasingly clear about the substantial importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Unfortunately, far too many children in the United States and throughout the world experience father loss. As discussed previously on this blog, father loss can negatively…
This summer, I had a painful and somewhat unexpected experience while visiting my recently-divorced mother’s house for the first time in three years with my wife and four children. It was quickly evident that my oldest two children had a strong recollection of some of…
Throughout the course of our lives, we all experience violations of love, trust, and loyalty, and there are certainly times we may feel that our relationships are unfair. Like commitment, I have often wondered what the implications would be for our relationships, our families, and…
I still remember the phone call like it was yesterday. As I was preparing to leave for the university on a warm September morning in 2015, I received an unexpected call from my mother. In a very emotional conversation, she shared the devastating news that…
As an assistant professor in Human Development and Family Sciences at Northern Illinois University, I have the unique opportunity to teach upcoming generations about marriage and family relationships. But teaching about these subjects can be demanding, and I often feel like I am at the front…
This week from November 1st – November 5th, I will be presenting with a portion of our research team (Amie Kahovec, Hillary Schraufnagel, Hanna Stoffel) two of our research papers at the 8th biennial Society for the Study of Emerging Adulthood Conference in Washington D.C.…
Are you a weak link or a strong link in your relationships? That’s a rhetorical question that one might ask themselves after reading one of the latest research articles published by Scott Stanley and colleagues. Asymmetrical commitment represents a new—and I might add one of…
On Valentine’s Day a few years ago, I was asked by my wife to go pick up a couple of extra items at our local supermarket for our family Valentine’s dinner. As I entered the store I was a bit startled by the scene before…
