Have you ever stopped to wonder just how important sex is within a romantic relationship? Research studies indicate that both sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are strong predictors of overall relationship quality in couple relationships (e.g. Muise et al., 2016). Sexual satisfaction is essential as it signifies an expression of love and desire to your partner on both a physical and emotional level. This level of mutual affection binds not only the physical act of intimacy but also the emotional aspects of connection, including trust, communication, and understanding. Engaging in a mutually satisfying sexual relationship can deepen the bond between partners and contribute to a greater sense of intimacy and connection. Maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship requires dedication and determination for even the most loving couples. For instance, we have previously written about how a couple’s sexual relationship can be impacted following childbirth.
When we see a sexual relationship take place in media such as a reality TV show or even within a movie, rarely do we see the couple discuss their wants and needs within the bedroom first or even after. This kind of display teaches the audience that the most satisfying sex only occurs without the need for sexual communication or negotiation (Gunning 2025). This myth keeps partners from speaking up about their sexual needs to one another, in fear of humiliation or putting their partner off. If one or both partners continue to just go along with whatever happens during intimate time, this behavior can eventually lead to sexual dysfunction. Once a partner, or both, has reached the state of sexual dysfunction, they might start to experience “symptoms that compromise a person’s ability to experience satisfying, noncoercive sexual activity, such as sexual arousal and sexual pain disorders” (Gunning 2025).
The only way to ensure you can avoid heading into sexual dysfunction is by having open sexual communication with your partner. Although sexual communication is crucial when trying to have a positive sexual relationship with your partner, it does not always mean you and your partner will see eye to eye with your sexual desires. An individual’s motivation, sexual passion, alone can differ between the couple. As explained by Forbush et al. (2025), “sexual passion captures how sexuality is internalized into one’s identity.” Two board categories of sexual passion include harmonious passion and inhibited passion. Harmonious passion is when an individual has a high desire for sexual relations, whereas inhibited passion is the opposite, when they have a low desire for sexual relations. Issues related to different levels of sexual fulfillment or desire may provide significant challenges for couples when it comes to being intimate. With various tastes or needs in the bedroom, each individual may feel abandoned, irritated, or even hostile if their needs are not met. However, if they continue the open sexual conversation, the couple can balance one another’s needs in order to best fulfill the sexual relationship.
When these problems are addressed or minimized, the relationship’s foundation of closeness and trust may be strengthened. From there, you and your partner can grow sexual communal strength, which is the desire to fulfill your partner’s needs. Instead of a mindset where it feels like you have an obligation to meet their needs within the bedroom, you genuinely care to because you can feel it being reciprocated from them. “Research shows that sexual health within couples is interdependent…” (Wehrli 2025) which means it takes both partners for the sexual relationship to happen. Because it involves both individuals, it is important that each is satisfied in order for the relationship to benefit both partner’s overall well-beings. So, having those respectful and effective conversations about sexual desires is essential to preserving a happy and healthy relationship.
The Benefits of Sex in Relationships
Even with different desires in play, sex within a relationship offers various physical and mental benefits, all of which contribute to enhancing overall well-being. Some of these benefits include the following:
- Decreases anxiety
- Less tension after an argument
- Better sleep
- Lower blood pressure
- Increase in intimacy
- Less physical pain
Experiencing sexual satisfaction offers benefits, including:
- Strengthening intimacy with yourself and your partner
- Increased trust
- Emotional healing
- Boosts self-esteem and confidence
- Feelings of relationship security
- Boosts cognitive function
Sex is crucial in relationships because it enhances emotional connection and satisfaction. Research suggests it can also improve happiness and mental well-being. If both partners are comfortable with abstinence and prioritize emotional intimacy, a relationship can thrive without sex. However, disparities in sexual desires can lead to complications. Finding a balance and keeping a good relationship requires open communication and respect for one another’s needs.
I (Alexis Elliott) have experienced issues with sexual satisfaction within my current relationship. We have been dating for over three years and have been living together for two of those years now, but it took some time for us to get to where we are now. When we first started dating, my boyfriend clearly stated that sex was essential to him when in a relationship. I was hesitant to discuss it further and assumed his mind would change because we were so new into the relationship. Eventually, we had hit a rough patch in our relationship where we were not intimate for a couple of weeks and there was apparent tension between us. To resolve the issues, my boyfriend and I sat down and discussed how we were both feeling about our intimate life; more than once. Each of these discussions led to a compromise that satisfied both his sexual desires and the concerns I was feeling on the topic.
Communication about Sex
A meta-analysis published in 2022 states that sexual communication enforces the relationship and sexual satisfaction (Mallory, 2022). Sexual communication can be described as intentional sexual self-disclosure (Bibby & Davila, 2023). As previously highlighted, conversations about intimacy are rarely a one-time discussion. It is important to consider how often and how meaningful such conversations are between intimate partners. Effective sexual communication is linked to reduced uncertainty, greater relationship predictability, and a deeper sense of trust within the relationship (Bibby & Davila, 2023).
As we have discussed previously on this blog:
“We have written extensively about the importance of communication on this blog. Research has become ever clear about the importance of healthy sexual communication and how it is linked to relationship satisfaction. The ability to communicate effectively is regarded as central to the establishment of a good marital relationship (Esere, 2014). Unfortunately many couples struggle to communicate about sex, even though sexual activity is an essential component for most healthy marriages. Ineffective communication is the pathway to an unstable marriage. Communicate feelings and concerns with a pragmatic approach so as not to come off as threatening or accusatory. Show empathy and understanding when your partner addresses something with you.”
Not only is the importance of sexual communication impacted by frequency, but also by the quality of these conversations. Many people find it difficult to talk about sex. On the bright side, chances are that it is just as difficult for your partner to talk about sex as it is for you. Fears of rejection, humiliation, and discomfort all hinder open conversations about sex (Bibby & Davila, 2023). Although there may be comfort in avoiding such discussions and instead expressing our desires ambiguously, the most effective sexual communication is “positive, direct, and reassuring” (Bibby & Davila, 2023). Prioritizing both the frequency and quality of sexual communication can help partners navigate challenges concerning intimacy. In doing so, this may lead to a healthier, more satisfying relationship.
Interestingly, the research reiterates that sexual communication is more closely tied to sexual satisfaction than relationship satisfaction. When it comes to sexual frequency, current research has identified three main findings:
1. As we become older, we have less sex.
Age and gender significantly influence sexual frequency. Americans in their 20s typically engage in sexual activity approximately 80 times per year, averaging once every four to five days (Sherry, 2024). However, this frequency declines with age, dropping to about 20 times per year among those in their 60s. Moreover, the percentage of sexually active Americans decreases with age: 73 percent of individuals aged 57 to 64 are sexually active, compared to 53 percent among those aged 65 to 74 and only 26 percent among those aged 75 to 85. Additionally, women are generally less likely to be sexually active than men across all age groups (Sherry, 2024).
Across all age groups, there has been a decline in sexual activity. Between 2000 and 2008, the percentage of American men aged 25 to 34 who reported no sexual activity in the past year increased from 7.1% to 14.1% and from 18.9% to 30.9% among those aged 18 to 24. To a lesser extent, this trend was also observed among women in these age groups. Income level appeared to impact sexual activity, with the highest rates of inactivity observed among unemployed or part-time employed men and students (Sherry, 2024).
2. We are not having as much sex as we once did.
Not only has the number of sexually inactive individuals increased, but those who are sexually active are also having fewer encounters. Between the late 1990s and early 2010s, Americans reported an average decrease of nine sexual encounters per year. The percentage of Americans engaging in sex at least once a week also declined significantly from 2000 to 2018. Specifically, among men aged 18 to 24, it dropped from 51.8 percent to 37.4 percent; among men aged 25 to 34, it decreased from 65.3 percent to 50.3 percent; and among women aged 25 to 34, it fell from 66.4 percent to 54.2 percent. This decline in sexual frequency cut across demographics such as race, religion, gender, education level, and employment status, with the most significant decreases observed among individuals who did not watch pornography, had school-aged children or were in their 50s.
Although married people tend to have sex more frequently than single people, marriage typically has a moderating effect. However, even married people are having less sex. Between 2000 and 2018, the proportion of married males who said they had sex at least once a week fell from 71.1 to 57.7 percent. Married women reported lower percentages of the same (60.9 percent vs. 69.1 percent).
3. Younger generations are engaging in less sexual activity compared to previous generations.
Despite being often labeled as the “hookup generation” by the media, recent data reveals that younger generations—millennials and Gen Z—are experiencing fewer sexual encounters. The generations showing both the highest and lowest levels of sexual activity were the silent generation (born in the 1930s) and Gen Z (born in the 1990s and beyond). Millennials (born in the 1980s to early 2000s) and Gen Z have significantly higher percentages of adults aged 20 to 24 reporting no sexual partners since turning 18 compared to previous generations. Moreover, Gen Z is also engaging in less sexual activity overall: the proportion of US teenagers in grades 9 through 12 who reported having sex declined from 53% in 1994 to 39% in 2017 (Sherry, 2024).
Sex and the Connection to Commitment
Sexual intimacy plays a pivotal role in romantic relationships. Unfortunately society has been progressively decoupling commitment and sexual intimacy to the detriment of individual, couples, and society as a whole. There is a strong connection between sex and commitment that people often overlook. A healthy sex life requires commitment, trust and communication. As we have explained previously, “It is essential to learn to recognize and appreciate your partners perspective. This is especially important if you are hoping to improve the sexual aspect of your relationship. Ensuring your partner is heard, and their needs are met takes practice and doesn’t happen overnight.”
For committed and loving couples they can think about their sex life as a journey they are on together. Stress, health challenges, and raising children can certainly have an impact on couples and their sexual intimacy. However, as couples stay committed to each other, prioritize sexual intimacy, and focus on being patient, loving, and kind this special aspect of their relationship can become a strength throughout their lifetime.
References
- Barkley, S. (2023, October 30). Is sex important in a relationship? Psych Central.
- Bibby, E. S., & Davila, J. (2023). A dyadic assessment of the association between sexual communication and daily sexual satisfaction.
- Forbush, A., Busby, D., Yorgason, J., & Holmes, E. (2025). Power and passion: An exploration of the relationship between marital power processes and sexual passion styles. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
- Gunning, J. N., Denes, A., Hintz, E. A., & Tucker, R. V. (2025). Implicit sexual beliefs and relational thriving in new romantic relationships facing imagined sexual dysfunction: The mediating role of sexual communal strength. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 42(8), 2099–2120.
- Mallory, A. B. (2022). Dimensions of couples’ sexual communication, Relationship Satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(3), 358–371.
- Sherry, S. (2024, June 26). How often do couples really have sex?. Psychology Today.
- Ueda, P., Mercer, C. H., Ghaznavi, C., & Herbenick, D. (2020). Trends in Frequency of Sexual Activity and Number of Sexual Partners Among Adults Aged 18 to 44 Years in the US, 2000-2018. JAMA Network Open, 3(6), e203833.
- Wahl, D. (2022, September 22). Why we’re having less sex. Psychology Today.
- Wehrli, F. S. V., Landolt, S. A., Weitkamp, K., & Bodenmann, G. (2025). The role of equity in partner contributions to sexual self-esteem for sexual health in romantic couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
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