Why Maintaining Intimacy Can Lead to a Lifetime of Romantic Relationship Bliss

Although it requires great effort, a lifelong romantic relationship is possible to attain and something we can strive for. Although many worry that relationships are not sustainable, research indicates about half of all marriages last a lifetime. Understandably the journey to this goal is not easy. Countless components can determine the outcome of romantic relationships. These factors can impact the happiness and health of the individuals in the relationship as well as the bond created between both partners. Intimacy is one of many important factors that bind couples together.

Intimacy is not solely the passion and physical connection it is commonly thought to be but rather encompasses many different forms. Overall, as an article in Very Well Mind states, intimacy can be defined as the feelings of closeness and connection in our relationships. Given that there is more than one way to foster intimacy in our romantic relationships in the present blog we will discuss three types.

Emotional Intimacy
Building on the definition of intimacy, along with closeness, emotional intimacy involves interdependence, self-disclosure, and emotional support (Keneally et. al., 2023). For instance, this can look like talking with your partner about future goals, or something you are worried about. I believe it is safe to say we all like feeling heard and that the people closest to us care enough to listen to what we have to say. It is the instances where we are ignored by our significant other that can make partners feel out of sync and ultimately fracture a relationship. Consequently, when this area of a relationship is disrupted, it can also affect others.

Benefits of emotional intimacy are:

• Build Trust – Neither partner has a reason to doubt the other is withholding information or keeping secrets. This allows the couple to share information knowing they can rely on one another when necessary without worrying about being disregarded or shamed.
• Fosters understanding – As partners disclose more about themselves, they begin to learn about the other and view situations from their partner’s perspective. Emotionally intimate conversation can vary in vulnerability and severity and being able to respond accordingly is a deciding factor in prompting future discussion.
• Increased satisfaction – Overall there is a better outlook on your relationship if you feel close to your partner.

Physical Intimacy
While we may be prompted to think of sex when thinking of physical intimacy, it also refers to other forms of touch and closeness between bodies. Through touch, partners are able to communicate affection to one another. In couples, this can look like holding hands, kissing, hugging, and of course sex. The act alone of engaging in physically intimate behaviors without necessarily ending in sexual intercourse has been shown to be beneficial in relationships (Leavitt and Willoughby, 2014). Those intimate touches shared between couples are what Leavitt and Willoughby state express sexual desire (Leavitt and Willoughby, 2014). We want to feel wanted by our partner. However, this is not to say being sexual intimacy is not important, it is still a contributing factor to satisfaction in relationships.

Benefits of physical intimacy:

• Reduces stress – When couples exchange affection they have been found to be less stressed, as a study by Sorokowska et al. mentions, being touched lowers heart rate and blood pressure which lowers stress response (Sorokowska et al., 2023).
• Builds emotional connection – Nonsexual as much as sexual touches with an intimate partner builds assurance and confidence in a relationship and in turn encourages disclosure of thoughts and emotions.
• Physical benefits – Sexual activity offers a broad category of physical benefits, according to a 2010 study from Dr. Stuart Brody, it is associated with better cardiovascular, prostate, musculoskeletal, and metabolic health (Brody, 2010).

Intellectual Intimacy
While Intellectual intimacy may be an unfamiliar term to most it is still a necessary form of intimacy to share within your relationship, it is a deep form of intimacy that includes communication like emotional intimacy. What sets this form of intimacy aside from the others mentioned is the depth of self-disclosure, the content of the conversations, and the aspect of intellectual collaboration between partners. The act of self-disclosures importance will vary at different times in the relationship (Sprecher and Hendrick, 2004) be mindful when expressing this form as it can be mentally fatiguing.

Benefits of intellectual intimacy:

• Benefits collaboration – In a straightforward way, this is relationship team building. Collaboration is essential to a long-term relationship, whether you plan to have kids, own pets, live together, etc. it requires effective collaboration.
• Fosters understanding (as well) – Emotional and Intellectual intimacy are related in this aspect, but emotional intimacy focuses more on the disclosure of feelings and empathy. Through sharing goals and fears, having philosophical discussions or debates, or collaborating with your partner in activities like planning for the future or building a puzzle, Your understanding of your partner will increase greatly.

Now that you understand the benefits and importance of each type of intimacy, you may be wondering just how can you enhance the level of intimacy you already share between yourself and your partner? Here are some ideas we have for you.

Improving Emotional intimacy

1. Be vulnerable with your partner – Do not be afraid to open up to your partner, share your emotions with them, but be clear and thoughtful in your expressions.
2. Be receptive and empathetic towards your partner – A relationship goes both ways, practice the Active Listening Technique by focusing all of your attention to the speaker, take in all information and create meaning from both verbal and non-verbal queues, do not interrupt, respond to feelings appropriately without judgment (Rodgers and Farson, 1987)
3. Vocalize your appreciation for your partner – Gratitude has been shown in numerous research articles to improve intimacy in couple relationships.
4. Set time aside for each other, free of distraction – Break free from screens (e.g., smartphones) and really focus on each other. As we have written previously, phubbing can have a negative impact on couple relationships.

Improving Physical intimacy

1. 6 Second Kiss – Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s daily exercise, this exercise creates a ritual for intimacy as well as reducing cortisol and boosting oxytocin (Rusnak 2021).
2. Affectionate touch – Hand holding, Hugging, Kissing, Cuddling, etc.
3. Sex – It’s easy to say to just have more, but it’s best to communicate with your partner about sex to understand their needs and how you can best enjoy each other.

Improving Intellectual intimacy

1. Learn or do something new together – Personally speaking, building a puzzle with my partner is a simple and effective way to share this form of intimacy with each other, it gives us the opportunity to self-disclose without any outside distractions and collaborate together for a mentally stimulating task.
2. Plan a trip – This could just be a day trip, or could be a backpacking trip through Italy, the action of collaborating together is enough to enhance this form of intimacy.
3. Start a deep conversation – This conversation should not be just regular old chatter, there are lists upon lists of free philosophical questions online you and your partner could go through, or you can even talk about each other’s values, read and discuss a book together.

Intimacy is truly important to your overall health, and can substantially strengthen the connection to your partner, and increase the commitment in the relationship. Each form of intimacy is essential and required for your relationship to thrive. Consistently discuss with your partner ways that you can strengthen and maintain intimacy so that your relationship can flourish throughout your lives.

References

• Amato P.R., James S.L. (2018). Changes in spousal relationships over the marital life course. In Alwin D., Felmlee D., Kreager D. (eds) Social Networks and the life course. (Vol. 2). Cham. Springer International Publishing.
• Brody, S. (2010). The relative health benefits of different sexual activities. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(4_Part_1), 1336–1361. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01677.x
• Johnson, M. (2024, July 22). Intimacy isn’t synonymous with sex. Healthline. Retrieved from: https://www.healthline.com/health/intimacy#:~:text=shared%20intellectual%20intimacy.-,Physical,physical%20intimacy%20with%20a%20friend
• Kenneally, L. B., Milam, A. L., & Paulson, J. F. (2023). Pathways to intimacy: The direct and indirect effects of cognitive flexibility and emotion dysregulation. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000247
• Leavitt, C. E., & Willoughby, B. J. (2014). Associations between attempts at physical intimacy and relational outcomes among cohabiting and married couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(2), 241–262. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407514529067
• Loggins, B. (2024, May 23). Intimacy in relationships: What it is and how to cultivate it. Verywell Mind. Retrieve from: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-intimacy-in-a-relationship-5199766
• Rusnak, K. (2024, July 31). The six second kiss. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-six-second-kiss/
• Sprecher, S., & Hendrick, S. S. (2004). Self-disclosure in intimate relationships: Associations with individual and relationship characteristics over time. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23(6), 857–877. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.23.6.857.54803
• Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1957). Active listening (p. 84). Chicago, IL: Industrial Relations Center of the University of Chicago
• Sorokowska, A., Kowal, M., Saluja, S., Aavik, T., Alm, C., Anjum, A., Asao, K., Batres, C., Bensafia, A., Bizumic, B., Boussena, M., Buss, D. M., Butovskaya, M., Can, S., Carrier, A., Cetinkaya, H., Conroy-Beam, D., Cueto, R. M., Czub, M., … Croy, I. (2023). Love and affectionate touch toward romantic partners all over the world. Scientific Reports, 13(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-31502-1

Larissa Medina

I am an undergraduate student at Northern Illinois University and will be a senior starting the fall 2024 semester. I am majoring in Psychology as well as pursuing two minors, one of which is in family and child studies. After graduating from NIU I want to continue my education and pursue a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy.

Chris Shultes

My name is Chris Shultes, I am a senior Human Development and Family Sciences major with an emphasis in Family Social Services at Northern Illinois University. Romantic relationships have always been very important to me and I want to learn all that I can to have a healthy and successful relationship.

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