Every interracial relationship is different. However, one idea remains constant in all of these pairings is that race matters. By this, I mean race should not be the determining factor in whether or not you choose a romantic partner, but it should be something that…
Has your romantic partner ever forgot that they had a date planned with you? Or have you ever noticed your partner consistently having difficulty paying attention during a conversation with you? Does your partner ever get stuck daydreaming? Do they get so engrossed with an…
My family has been directly impacted by substance abuse since before I was born, and it has continued to be a presence in my life today. My parents met in 1988 and my father was in recovery from alcoholism. Over the course of their relationship,…
On March 31st, our research team attended the Illinois Council on Family Relations (ILCFR) 2023 Annual Conference in Charleston, Illinois, at Eastern Illinois University. The whole team (minus Dr. Sibley) had piled into a van and endured the 3-hour drive to Charleston the day before.…
Going into any new relationship can be pretty scary. But have you ever thought about what going into a new relationship may look like for someone who has gone through trauma in a past relationship? Whether that trauma was related to domestic violence, sexual abuse,…
Being in any kind of relationship with anxiety can be quite intimidating. But have you ever found yourself needing to tell your partner something super important, but you felt too nervous to tell them because you were worried they were going to see you differently…
There are times when one partner in a relationship wants to leave, but is simply afraid of hurting their partner’s feelings, or scared of what life may be like outside of a now-comfortable relationship. Maybe this is you, or a close friend, but whoever it…
Psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School, Dr. Robert Waldinger, has overseen an on going 75-year study along with many of his colleagues to find an answer to a question that potentially everyone tries to figure out at some point in life. What makes us…
Am I dating a narcissist? The question that many romantic partners avoid at all costs. You may relate to this avoidance as you have found yourself many times afraid to let yourself fully answer this question. Or maybe the word narcissist is new to you.…
How to tell your romantic partner, “I need space”- a phrase that typically sounds the alarm sirens in a romantic relationship. Have you ever found yourself in a romantic relationship where you feel oddly suspicious about how well things are going? You can feel the…
When does the nightmare end? What is the path to intimate partner violence recovery? These are questions many intimate partner violence survivors find themselves wondering over and over again as they struggle to put the pieces of their lives back together after years of abuse.…
COVID-19 dating, a phrase we never could have imagined on New Year’s Day. Flashback to January 1st, 2020. You may have found yourself surrounded by family as you welcomed the new opportunities and challenges that would arise in 2020. Or maybe you found yourself on…
Cheating, the word no one wants to hear in a romantically committed relationship. Finding out that your romantic partner cheated on you can leave you feeling completely blindsided. You may find yourself feeling paralyzed as questions about what went wrong flood your mind. Many will…
If ghosts are not real, then why do I keep getting ghosted? Previously on this blog we have discussed ghosting, which has often been defined as a verb that involves ending a romantic relationship by abruptly cutting off all contact and ignoring any communication attempts…
Many of us have a difficult relationship story that we could share. Unfortunately one of the traits of many modern romantic relationships is ambiguity. Many people find that they are riding along with a romantic partner that is less committed and invested in the relationship…
The research literature is becoming increasingly clear about the substantial importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Unfortunately, far too many children in the United States and throughout the world experience father loss. As discussed previously on this blog, father loss can negatively…
In romantic relationships, being rejected by a romantic partner for someone else can be one of the worst pains that an individual can experience. This is a heart-wrenching feeling and may lead people to question their self worth, confidence, the intentions of previous partners, as…
Fluctuations are often a normal occurrence in romantic relationships. In fact, fluctuation can occur in even the most flourishing and healthy relationships. When a relationship feels flat, this can provide couples with a time to reassess their priorities and find ways to strengthen their relationship.…
In her book The Defining Decade, Meg Jay, PhD, describes the twenties as “the critical period of adulthood”. She points out that it is only within the past hundred years that this new developmental season has come about. People used to go straight from being…
This summer, I had a painful and somewhat unexpected experience while visiting my recently-divorced mother’s house for the first time in three years with my wife and four children. It was quickly evident that my oldest two children had a strong recollection of some of…
Central to life is decision-making. Each day we face a variety of decisions, and some of these decisions can have a substantial impact on our happiness and our relationships. Accompanying these decisions are often pressures that we feel from family, friends, romantic partners, and our…
Throughout the course of our lives, we all experience violations of love, trust, and loyalty, and there are certainly times we may feel that our relationships are unfair. Like commitment, I have often wondered what the implications would be for our relationships, our families, and…
My proposal was from my childhood dreams! My fiancé proposed in front of Cinderella’s Castle at Walt Disney Worlds Magic Kingdom. It was a moment I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. However, the journey to my engagement and dream marriage…
On April 27th, ten members on our research team attended the Illinois Council on Family Relations (ILCFR) 2018 Annual Conference in Normal, Illinois at Heartland Community College. Dr. Sibley and five our research team members (Amie Kahovec, Kelli Kohlstedt, Taylor Lupo, Hillary Schraufnagel, Hanna Stoffel)…
Welcome to Decide To Commit! My name is Dr. Scott Sibley and I am an associate professor at Northern Illinois University in Human Development and Family Sciences, and also a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I built this website with the help of my research team to provide a creative outlet to highlight our research, and to offer relationship education for those interested in romantic relationships.
As a researcher I am specifically interested in commitment in couple relationships, romantic relationship formation, marriage, and decision-making in the emerging adult (18-29 year-old) population. Again, welcome to our blog!
