Parenting can be one of the most challenging roles a person takes on, yet it is also one of the most profoundly rewarding. When a child receives a diagnosis, new layers of complexity often emerge, but so do new opportunities to witness resilience, growth, and the unfolding of who that child is becoming. Parenting a child with special needs is one of the clearest expressions of commitment. It requires showing up again and again with guidance, love, and unwavering support.
Although I am not a parent myself, I am dedicating my career to becoming a Board Certified Behavior Analyst so I can advocate for children with special needs and help them build the highest possible quality of life and independence.
Understanding the Commitment
As a Registered Behavior Technician working in a clinic setting, I have spent the past three years providing ABA therapy to children with a range of support needs. One theme has become unmistakably clear: consistency is powerful. This applies to all children, but it is especially essential for children on the autism spectrum or those with developmental differences. Consistency teaches children that their actions have consequences and that adults mean what they say, whether that means showing up to their football game or following through when a promised reward is contingent on positive behavior. Many children with special needs rely on predictable consequences to learn how to communicate effectively and meet their needs safely.
In ABA, reinforcement is used to increase helpful behaviors and reduce unsafe or maladaptive ones. When a child engages in unsafe behavior and receives what they want without being taught a safer way to communicate, the unsafe behavior may continue. Reinforcing positive, safe behaviors and teaching communication skills helps children learn more adaptive ways to express themselves.
This level of consistency can feel daunting, especially when behaviors are frequent or intense. But this is where the idea of commitment becomes so meaningful. Dr. Scott Stanley describes commitment as a conscious choice to let go of other options in favor of dedication and responsibility. Although his work focuses on romantic relationships, the principles apply beautifully to parenting. Parents are deeply dedicated to fostering the best outcomes for their children. Constraints, which are the responsibilities and realities that make giving up costly, can also serve a positive purpose by reminding parents how essential they are in their child’s life. Growth looks different for every child, and maintaining a hopeful, flexible mindset is part of the journey.
Daily Acts of Love and Care
One of the most powerful ways to support children with autism and other special needs is by consistently affirming their feelings and creating a safe, supportive environment. Positive, proactive language helps children internalize productive behavior patterns that will serve them throughout life. Instead of saying “Stop climbing on that,” a phrase like “Let’s keep our feet on the floor” gives the child a clear, safe alternative. Encouraging “safe hands” or asking what they need when they appear dysregulated helps them learn to communicate rather than simply being told what not to do.
Many children with special needs require support with activities of daily living, tasks many of us complete automatically. Offering guidance without taking away independence is key. The goal is to scaffold their growth, not replace their autonomy. Research also shows that children communicate richly through play. Elbeltagi et al. (2023) highlight that free, child led play reveals a child’s motivations and supports communication, motor development, and sensory regulation. Adults should join the play, model positive behaviors, and only interrupt when safety is a concern.
Play becomes a natural space for learning cause and effect, practicing social skills, and building connection. Again, the key to this is that the child needs to lead the play. The only case where play should be interrupted for the child is if they are engaging in unsafe behaviors, at which point positive behaviors should be modeled for them before allowing them to continue playing. Play, in this way is also a great way to learn about cause and effect, and to begin learning how to interact socially with others.
The Power of Support Systems
According to Dr. Brie Turns-Coe a licensed marriage and family therapist and professor in Phoenix, Arizona autism can put great strain on families and couple relationships. In her own work as a marriage and family therapist Dr. Turns-Coe has seen marriages and families fall apart after a child is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). She also explained that she has seen families heal and become stronger as they unite as a couple and family. In a book published in 2019 with her colleagues, their research and clinical work clearly indicates that it is essential that couples and families that have a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) receive support.
Parenting a child with higher support needs can bring moments of stress, worry, and exhaustion. That is why a strong support system is not optional. It is essential. Sometimes hearing “You are doing an incredible job” can make all the difference at the end of a long day. Trusted friends, family members, and community resources can help parents recharge and stay grounded. Self care is not selfish. It is a necessary part of sustaining the energy required to advocate for your child.
And if no one has told you today, you are doing amazing things for your child and their future.
For some, support groups can be helpful to talk with other parents who have similar experiences. For instance, here is a link to six groups that meet in the Chicagoland area which is close to where I live and work. Support groups can also be invaluable, offering connection with other parents who understand the journey firsthand. If groups are not your preference, leaning on loved ones for conversation, encouragement, or a listening ear is more than enough. Please know it’s okay to lean on your family and friends for support as well, even if you just need to talk to someone.
The Reality of Raising a Child with Special Needs
Parenting any child can feel overwhelming at times, and parenting a child with additional support needs can amplify those feelings. But the heart of the journey is advocacy, doing the work to help your child thrive in every area of life.
Children with special needs may require support in education, social interactions, daily living skills, sensory regulation, and communication. Public schools offer special education services tailored to a child’s needs, and individualized education plans can provide accommodations that promote success. Children on the autism spectrum may learn in self contained classrooms, mixed models, or through additional therapies depending on their support needs.
Every child’s path is unique. What matters most is the commitment to walk alongside them consistently, compassionately, and with hope. It’s important to receive treatment that works for your child. Find more about different types of treatment here.
| Treatment Type | Description | Benefits | Sources |
|---|---|---|---|
| Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) | A structured therapy using reinforcement to encourage positive behaviors and reduce negative ones. | Improves communication, social skills, and academic performance. | CDC |
| Speech-Language Therapy | Helps individuals improve verbal and non-verbal communication skills. | Enhances ability to express needs and understand others. | Autism Speaks |
| Occupational Therapy | Focuses on sensory integration and fine motor skills. | Improves daily living skills and sensory processing. | Cleveland Clinic |
| Social Skills Training | Teaches appropriate social interactions through structured sessions. | Builds peer relationships and social understanding. | Mayo Clinic |
Another important thing to remember is that a child with special needs may respond more strongly when there are changes in diet, sleep, or daily routine. It is important to collaborate with professionals if you notice that your child’s behavior shifts significantly after a change in routine. Therapies that support feeding, sensory regulation, and whole‑body organization, such as occupational therapy, can help a child’s body feel safe and grounded. When possible, it is also incredibly valuable for parents, caregivers, and family members to receive education about the child’s diagnosis. While online resources can be helpful, connecting with professionals who specialize in your child’s specific needs ensures that the information you receive is accurate and relevant. After all, every child is different.
Some strategies will work beautifully for one child and not at all for another, and that is completely okay. This is exactly why advocating for your child is so essential. If you notice a change in their behavior, or if a particular approach seems to be affecting another part of their life in a negative way, it is important to communicate these concerns with your child’s teachers, therapists, and aides. And just as importantly, listen to your gut. If you do not feel comfortable with a new facility, a new provider, or a new intervention, you have every right to ask questions, request changes, or seek a second opinion.
Interventions should always emphasize a client‑centered and family‑centered approach. Not every child needs to master the same set of skills, and not every family has the same priorities. Some children may need more support with social interactions, while others may need help with transitions, emotional regulation, or communication depending on their developmental profile and family dynamics. The most important thing is that you never stop speaking up for your child. While they are growing, you are their voice in a very large world, and you are also the one who will teach them how to develop a voice of their own, even if their communication does not involve spoken words. All behavior is a form of communication, and part of our job as adults is to learn how to understand it and help others understand it too.
The Importance of Growth and the Recognition of Success
A consistent theme in previous research is the importance of continual encouragement as children grow. Robertson and Pay (2025) highlight the difference between praise and encouragement. Praise is important when a child meets a goal or shows progress, but encouragement is essential at all times, especially during the difficult moments. Encouragement helps children feel supported, motivated, and capable of increasing their effort as they work toward their goals (Popkin, 2021). Ultimately, this is what matters most: helping your child feel safe enough to express what they feel and what they need.
All progress deserves recognition, no matter how small it may seem. Maybe your child is beginning to feel comfortable playing near peers. Maybe they point to an item to communicate a need. Maybe they bring you to something they want. These moments are not small. They are milestones, and they deserve to be celebrated. Children have hard days just like adults do, and they will remember how you respond during those moments. Your calm presence, your reassurance, and your willingness to stay connected during their hardest times will shape how they learn to cope and communicate.
If there is one takeaway from all of this, it is the importance of loving your child fiercely and showing them that you will always advocate for their needs. Parenting is a demanding role, and it takes tremendous strength to show up day after day with patience, compassion, and hope. Give yourself grace in the difficult moments. Remember that commitment is not about perfection. It is about choosing, again and again, to support your child’s growth in whatever ways they need.
At the end of the day, parenting is an act of profound commitment, and children benefit deeply from the love, consistency, and advocacy you bring into their lives.
References
- 6 autism support groups for parents in Chicago. (2025, September 5). Blog – Stride Autism Centers. https://blog.stridecenters.com/autism-support-groups-in-chicago/
- Autism spectrum disorder – Diagnosis and treatment – Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/autism-spectrum-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20352934
- Celler, N. (2025, November 8). Be the Love You Seek: Cultivating Self-Compassion Before Romance. Decide to Commit. https://decidetocommit.com/be-the-love-you-seek-cultivating-self-compassion-before-romance/
- Cherry, K. (2024, January 9). What is ABA therapy? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-aba-design-2794809
- Elbeltagi, R., Al-Beltagi, M., Saeed, N. K., & Alhawamdeh, R. (2023). Play therapy in children with autism: Its role, implications, and limitations. World Journal of Clinical Pediatrics, 12(1), 1–22. https://doi.org/10.5409/wjcp.v12.i1.1
- Popkin. (2019, July 9). In praise of Encouragement – Active Parenting. Active Parenting. https://activeparenting.com/praise-of-encouragement/
- Positive Language | Norwalk, CT | Child Autism Services. (2025, July 29). The SEED Autism Center.
- Richardson Au, J. (2020, February 17). Understanding behaviour as a form of communication. Diffnotdeficient. https://www.differentnotdeficient.co.uk/post/understanding-behaviour-as-a-form-of-communication
- Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (1992). Assessing commitment in personal relationships. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54(3), 595. https://doi.org/10.2307/353245
- Treatment and intervention for autism spectrum disorder. (2024, May 16). Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). https://www.cdc.gov/autism/treatment/index.html
- Turns, B., Ramisch, J., & Whiting, J. B. (2019). Systemically treating autism: A clinician’s guide for empowering families. Routledge.
- Turns-Coe, B., (2026, January 27th). The Impact of ASD on Couples and Families. [Phone Interview].
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My name is Natalie Celler. I graduated in December of 2025 with a Bachelors in Psychology from NIU. I will be starting my Master’s program later this year to obtain a Master’s Degree in Applied Behavioral Analysis, and become a Board Certified Behavior Analyst.
