Valentine’s Day is widely recognized as a time to highlight love across all types of relationships. Friends gather for Galentine’s Day, families exchange warm messages, and romantic partners plan date nights, post affectionate photos, and exchange gifts. The first blog post on this website highlighted some observations about Valentine’s Day.
At its best, the holiday reminds people of the love they give and receive and how those connections support their well‑being. However, cultural shifts and the expansion of social media have reshaped how Valentine’s Day is experienced, creating growing social, financial, and romantic expectations that can distract from genuine connection (McEwan & LeFebvre, 2023).
Re‑Centering Valentine’s Day: Love, Commitment, and Everyday Romance
With so many external pressures, it is easy to lose sight of what Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate. At its core, the holiday is an opportunity to recognize love, commitment, and authentic romance, none of which rely on elaborate displays. Relationship research consistently shows that emotional responsiveness, trust, and supportive communication are more predictive of satisfaction than material gifts or social media presentation (De Netto et al., 2021).
Commitment is sustained through shared goals and mutual support rather than perfectionism. As we have previously discussed on the blog, commitment is a conscious decision to actively choose and focus on your romantic partner. For many Valentine’s Days can also be a day of disappointment and even heartbreak. High expectations that remain unmet can undermine satisfaction, making it important for partners to balance ideals with realistic understanding of each other’s needs and limitations (Vannier & O’Sullivan, 2017).
Romance often emerges through small, thoughtful gestures rather than expensive purchases. Gift‑giving research shows that receivers value meaningful, personally relevant gifts more than costly ones, reinforcing that genuine romance reflects emotional significance rather than monetary value (Liu et al., 2022).
By centering Valentine’s Day on love, commitment, and gratitude for your relationship this can encourage a healthier and more fulfilling experience of the holiday.
Social Media Expectations
Social media often sets the stage for heightened expectations. Curated posts featuring elaborate gifts, extravagant celebrations, and idealized messages can lead to comparisons that diminish satisfaction within one’s own relationship. This can even lead to conflict between partners due to the disappointing feeling left behind. Research with emerging adults shows that emotional responses to social media vary widely, and for some individuals, these comparisons contribute to distress or dissatisfaction (Griffioen et al., 2023).
Emotionally charged content also spreads rapidly online. A 2024 systematic review found that false and emotionally evocative social media information spreads faster than accurate content, shaping perceptions in misleading ways (Surjatmodjo et al., 2024). For example, viewing a TiKTok video about Valentine’s Day, and wondering why your boyfriend has not done the same.
On Valentine’s Day we encourage you to focus on your romantic partner. Phone‑related distractions can further strain relationships. National survey data indicate that about half of partnered adults report their partner is regularly distracted by their phone during conversations (Vogels & Anderson, 2020). Studies show that “partner phubbing” is associated with lower satisfaction, often due to increased feelings of exclusion and reduced partner responsiveness (Beukeboom & Pollmann, 2021; David & Roberts, 2021).
With these insights it shows how social media can mentally distress individuals with misleading information. It is important to remember that every relationship is unique and online posts do not mean the full story is shown. What is presented is a specific time period that looks/sounds most enticing.
Gender Expectations
Traditional gender roles influence how couples navigate Valentine’ Day. These norms influence expectations, labor distributions, and autonomy (Barr et al., 2023). Men are often expected to “take the lead” in planning Valentine’s Day, while women carry the emotional labor behind the scenes. When responsibilities fall unevenly on one partner, the expectation may become overwhelming.
Equity within relationships produces positive stability. Recent analysis highlights that long term satisfaction depends on mutual respect and shared values, not one sided effort (Ben-Ze’ev, 2025). This really applies to Valentine’s Day, where both partners need to make an effort to connect with each other. This requires partners actively working together in decision making, time investment and emotional support to strengthen the partnership. When partners don’t feel like the relationship is fair, then resentment can begin to undermine the satisfaction of the relationship. It also challenges cultural norms that can make a relationship feel less secure.
Financial Expectations
Valentine’s Day gift giving has become more financially demanding. Many people believe that they need to purchase more expensive gifts for their significant other to please them, often using the price as a scale to share their love and commitment. As a result, this could put unneeded financial pressure on the couple. Research consistently shows that financial stress reduces partners’ willingness to communicate about money, largely because they anticipate conflict. Communication improves when couples view financial disagreements as solvable rather than perpetual (Mishra et al., 2025).
As an emerging adult in a romantic relationship, my boyfriend and I have had conversations about managing finances since we are both college students. This includes holiday’s such as Valentine’s Day. For us, just spending time together is far more rewarding than any expensive gifts or plans.
Gift‑giving research also reveals a giver‑receiver mismatch. Givers tend to perceive high‑priced gifts as more meaningful, while receivers often prefer sentimental or practical low‑priced gifts, emphasizing that romance is not determined by cost (Liu et al., 2022). Money does not equal love, affection is shown through care and choice, not price.
Mind Reading vs. Communication
Rather than eliminating expectations completely, it is important to communicate realistic ones. Valentine’s Day can often be a time where the ‘mind reading’ mentality comes into play. Expectations for Valentine’s Day often rely on unspoken assumptions, leading partners to expect each other to “just know” what they want. Communication science repeatedly shows that clear, constructive dialogue improves satisfaction, especially when navigating expectations or conflict (De Netto et al., 2021).
Social media research further supports the need for explicit conversation. Couples maintain connection more effectively when they coordinate expectations for visibility, relational boundaries, and communication patterns online and offline (McEwan & LeFebvre, 2023).
Balancing Expectations and Reality
Research shows that relationships thrive when partners balance desires with realistic expectations. Unmet expectations are strongly linked to lower relationship satisfaction and reduced commitment, particularly in emerging adults (Vannier & O’Sullivan, 2017). Instead of creating unnecessary pressure on Valentine’s Day, focus on having fun and spending time together. By balancing what is realistic and what is desired with your partner, Valentine’s Day can become a holiday that you both look forward to every year.
The purpose of this holiday is to show your partner that you are committed, not only through words and gifts, but through your combined actions of love and care. Valentine’s Day can serve as a meaningful reminder of why you decided to commit to your partner in the first place.
References
- Barr, E., Popkin, R., Roodzant, E., Jaworski, B., & Temkin, S. M. (2023). Gender as a social and structural variable: Research perspectives from the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Translational Behavioral Medicine, 14(1), 13–22.
- Ben-Ze’ev, A. (2025). Would You Really Want a Superior Partner? The Puzzle of Romantic Equality “I Married Beneath Me; All Women Do.” Philosophia : A Global Journal of Philosophy, 53(4), 1651–1670.
- Beukeboom, C. J., & Pollmann, M. (2021). Partner phubbing: Why using your phone during interactions with your partner can be detrimental for your relationship. Computers in Human Behavior, 124, 106932.
- David, M. E., & Roberts, J. A. (2021). Investigating the impact of partner phubbing on romantic jealousy and relationship satisfaction: The moderating role of attachment anxiety. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(12), 3590–3609.
- De Netto, P. M., Quek, K. F., & Golden, K. J. (2021). Communication, the heart of a relationship: Examining capitalization, accommodation, and selfconstrual on relationship satisfaction. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 767908.
- Griffioen, N., Scholten, H., LichtwarckAschoff, A., Maciejewski, D., & Granic, I. (2023). Heterogeneity in some relationships between social media use and emerging adults’ affective wellbeing. Current Psychology, 42, 30277–30292.
- Liu, N., Lou, Y., Wang, X., & Li, S. (2022). More Expensive, More attractive? The effect of pricing on gift evaluation: Differences between giver and receiver. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 790434.
- McEwan, B., & LeFebvre, L. E. (2023). Romantic relationships and social media. In B. G. Ogolsky (Ed.), The sociocultural context of romantic relationships (pp. 201–225). Cambridge University Press.
- , , & (2025). Discussing money with the one you love: How financial stress influences couples’ financial communication. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 35, 288–296.
- Surjatmodjo, D., Unde, A. A., Cangara, H., & Sonni, A. F. (2024). Information pandemic: A critical review of disinformation spread on social media and its implications for state resilience. Social Sciences, 13(8), 418.
- Vannier, S. A., & O’Sullivan, L. F. (2017). Great expectations. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(8), 1045–1066.
- Vogels, E. A., & Anderson, M. (2020). Dating and relationships in the digital age. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/05/08/dating-and-relationships-in-the-digital-age/
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Hello! My name is Brooklynn Garcia and I am a Junior at Northern Illinois University. I am majoring in Human Development and Family Sciences with an emphasis in Family Social Services. After graduation, I hope to attend graduate school to focus on Marriage and Family Therapy.
